Today

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

"How you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life." Annie Dillard

Perspective makes all the difference. There's something that always used to bother me about statements like "I hate Mondays" and "Fridays make me so happy" and "On Wednesdays I can feel the hope rising within me as the darkness of the week begins to fade away." Really? Every day is a gift worthy to be celebrated. If we stop trying on Mondays, those are a whole lot of days in our lifetime of being miserable simply because a week was starting.

I used to love the show "The Weekenders." That gang of kids knew exactly how I felt every Friday afternoon in elementary school--weekends meant freedom and fun. Truly, those were the days when "we lived for the weekend!"

But now as a slightly more mature adult, I realize that an attitude like that is poisonous. We should be grateful for our lives and every simple, meager, humdrum day. Not every day do we get to have amazing experiences but every day we make memories and every day we can choose to be joyful in any situation.

Today is December 1st. It's a Thursday. I'm not looking forward to a few things on today's agenda. I don't work today. I don't have plans for the weekend. These days aren't very full. In fact they are quite boring. A day of job applications, reading and dreaming. Later on I'll have dinner with my family and watch a movie.

But I still wouldn't trade these days I've been given. These days are about waiting, about expecting. I hope I will snag a journalism job soon and I'm praying so hard for this specific opportunity I have. Every day that goes by, my trust increases. I'm never without hope. And though the days may be lonely, my heart is full thanks to the one who never leaves. He continues to pour His love on me, in every difficult moment--every time I'm afraid and each time I start to doubt.

Today is December 1st. I hope to embrace this Advent season and tie my own season of waiting with Mother Mary's. I graduated in April and the months continue to go by. I'm still here--livin' on a prayer. But today I'm happy. And I couldn't ask for anything more.

"Be strong, let your heart take courage, all who hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31:25

Fall

Years ago when I imagined what college would be like I thought of raspberry frappucchinos and picnics in the park. I thought I would be spending my days under live oak trees, playing in the autumn leaves, discussing life and literature with my new friends.

I thought everybody would be friendly and that I could walk around with a smile, saying hello to everyone. On a shallow note, I thought I would finally have perfect hair, cue image of Rory Gilmore in her gorgeous wavy hairdo with side bangs.

Anyways, I always pictured myself at a school up north. Where I could see leaves change and spend winter months cozied up by a fireplace in the library. (No, cozied is not a word, but I'm trying not to care.)

Then I went to school in Florida. And I love it here. I really do. It's just not what I thought it would be like. This is my third year here so I'm used to it. I'm not lamenting over it.

I just wish things were different sometimes. Oh that sentence is so trite. And I realize that it has nothing to do with where I am, but who I am. I spend most of my time inside, looking out my huge window. But I want to go outside. The weather is amazing and I love fresh air and sunshine. And some trees here actually have shed leaves and I love crunching them as I walk along campus.



Today I sat on a bench outside while my clothes were washing. And I couldn't feel peace. I wanted to take pictures of trees and I just didn't feel comfortable just snapping pictures all over the place in the middle of all these dorm buildings. Then as I was starting to get acclimated, a maintenance worker came by and said that he's going to be installing grass under the bench. I had to get up and leave. And now I'm in my room because I felt kind of defeated and didn't feel like walking a couple blocks to another bench (Strange, but that's the only one out there). Installing grass? What has happened to nature?

I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I just have yet to sit on the grass and write poetry and listen to music. And that has more to do with me, anyways. I mean, I could do that. Maybe I'm just insecure 'cause the Rory hair hasn't come yet.

Kidding.

My alarm just went off for my laundry. Ah, the daily grind.

What I'm listening to: Breakdown by Jack Johnson.
What I'm playing: Words with Friends, a scrabble application on my iPhone.
What I should be doing: Writing an article. Ha. The usual.

Friends, Love, God

Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much out of my friends.

I know I am not perfect in any way. And some friends have seen a brutal side of me more than others. These are close friends...we know each other well.

Is it wrong for me to want them to acknowledge me when I walk in the room? Is it wrong to want to feel accepted and loved? Is it wrong to expect my friend to hug me when she comes and stands right by me. Is it wrong for me to smile and say “hey” and want them to look me in the eye and say “hi” back? When they leave, do they have to run out the door before I can notice? I want them to come over and say hi. I want them to come over and see me and love me for who I am.

I know Christ is the ultimate representation of love. Because no matter all our sins, he runs to us, embraces us, smiles us and says “hi” genuinely. Sincerely. Because He cares. He sacrificed everything for us.

I wonder if God ever feels the way I feel right now: like I am putting so much in and not receiving in return. Like I am loving with all I have and not being loved back. I know sometimes He does. My heart is breaking and I can only imagine how God's heart breaks for all of us sometimes. For all the times we ignore him, fail to talk to him, to praise him. His grace is without bounds and yet how often do we turn our backs to Him? But He is always there; the friend you can call at any hour, the friend who will embrace you when you are weeping, the friend who will lift you up when your world is crumbling.

I want to love other people the way He teaches us to.
I want to love Him back with all that I am.
And I want others to love me back. I do. Even though whether someone loves me has no bearing on whether I should love them.

And I know that even when they don't, I have the ultimate friend waiting for my call.

“If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I'd find a match.
Cuz I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am”-Ingrid Michaelson

--tati

Blogging and the roach

Today I saw Julie and Julia. It was a bit slow at times and I think a few themes didn't tie up in the end. But I did like the overall messages of perseverance and dedication.

One of the things that Julie said in the movie I relate to all the time. She said that sometimes she felt like her words were going into a black hole and that no one ever read her blog. I must admit I feel like that often and it's the reason why I stopped writing regularly a few months ago. I'm a journalist and a writer. I'm used to knowing my audience. I'm used to having an audience. I don't need to write for myself--I have a journal for that very purpose. My personal blog is just a way for me to write about my life, to express my thoughts, and hopefully to share with other people. If one person reads and is entertained or helped or changed in some way, I would be thrilled. I think part of the problem is that I am extremely well-connected to my friends and even a lot of strangers. I follow all of my friends' blogs as well as blogs by people I find funny, interesting, inspirational, educational, or informative. I read the news constantly. I love being in the know. But most of my friends are not blog-fluent or very internet-savvy so I know they would not be very interested in a blog no matter whose it is.

I also killed a roach tonight while my two friends hollered in the background. It was sitting on their kitchen counter. I sprayed Raid with intensity and abandon--mugs, peanut butter jars, bags of sliced bread--nothing on the counter escaped as I slathered the roach with the poison. Not powerful enough, though. When it finally hit the floor, it started running to the door. With a keen eye on the critter, I yelled to my friends, standing aghast a few feet away, telling them to open the door. Maybe I would let the monster live after all. But as it began making its way to the couch and as I heard cries from my friend to "Step on it," I did the deed.

I had a nice night with my friends but I do have a few notes to self and to those who are interested. One--Do not tell all of your friends to wear dresses and then wear jeans. Two--Do not eat at a local food chain after seeing mouth-watering French cuisine in a cinema. Three--Do not talk about medical mysteries for too long. Four--Avoid mentioning anybody's food allergies even though you really are just trying to accommodate them.

And now I see sleep in my forecast. I have read too many articles and blogs tonight.

Till Later
Tati

It's the start of the new year and I have so much to do! Tomorrow is the last day of the first week of school!

Among other things my goals for this semester are as follows:

Get more sleep.
Stay organized.
Do all my homework and readings.
Keep up with my blogs.
Wake up early and be productive in the morning.
Learn web design so I can make my blog pretty, because as it is it's kind of sad.
Manage my time more effectively (needed to complete all the others).

I have a lot to do but I have a fun weekend ahead so I am excited.

Relay for Life and Spring Break

I can't believe it's been so long since I've blogged.

I will definitely catch up during spring break! I am so excited and have so many plans for the break; I can hardly wait.

March is finally here! Which brings two of my favorite yearly events at UF. The first if Relay for Life and the second is the CSF Spring Retreat.

Well..more later..I am much too tired to continue and I need to cover a Chomp Cancer Carnival in a couple hours (yikes).

-tati

ps. Spring is way too cold here in Gainesville. I can't believe I wanted to go to school up North. (shudder).

GATORS ARE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!

GOOOOO GATORS!!!

I love Tim Tebow (John 3:16 on his face..How awesome is that!). I love my school. I love my football team.

The night was insane. My friend had a party in her apartment, we made football shaped cookies and ran to University Avenue after the game. My friend lost her phone, but jumping up and down in the cold weather, sweaty and pumped, was so much fun and so spontaneous!

Sigh. Good times.

Now it's back to the daily grind.

More later, gator.