Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much out of my friends.
I know I am not perfect in any way. And some friends have seen a brutal side of me more than others. These are close friends...we know each other well.
Is it wrong for me to want them to acknowledge me when I walk in the room? Is it wrong to want to feel accepted and loved? Is it wrong to expect my friend to hug me when she comes and stands right by me. Is it wrong for me to smile and say “hey” and want them to look me in the eye and say “hi” back? When they leave, do they have to run out the door before I can notice? I want them to come over and say hi. I want them to come over and see me and love me for who I am.
I know Christ is the ultimate representation of love. Because no matter all our sins, he runs to us, embraces us, smiles us and says “hi” genuinely. Sincerely. Because He cares. He sacrificed everything for us.
I wonder if God ever feels the way I feel right now: like I am putting so much in and not receiving in return. Like I am loving with all I have and not being loved back. I know sometimes He does. My heart is breaking and I can only imagine how God's heart breaks for all of us sometimes. For all the times we ignore him, fail to talk to him, to praise him. His grace is without bounds and yet how often do we turn our backs to Him? But He is always there; the friend you can call at any hour, the friend who will embrace you when you are weeping, the friend who will lift you up when your world is crumbling.
I want to love other people the way He teaches us to.
I want to love Him back with all that I am.
And I want others to love me back. I do. Even though whether someone loves me has no bearing on whether I should love them.
And I know that even when they don't, I have the ultimate friend waiting for my call.
“If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I'd find a match.
Cuz I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am”-Ingrid Michaelson
--tati
